The Temptations - Give Love On Christmas Day (Gordy Records 1980)

This is one song we all grew up listening but the Jackson 5 version or the original version. The words
really describe what is the most important gift which is love. Everybody needs love not only on Christmas but everyday. so today and everyday, let us try to give love to family, friends and everyone else.

Merry Christmas to everyone and thanks for stopping by.

The Legacy of An Adopted Child - Conclusion

In the last 3 years there was hardly any communication with him. He was seriously involved with this girl and they kept breaking up and making up. And the girl got pregnant. The one time he called was to announce this. But the relationship has become really bad and physical. They had a baby girl born November. It is sad to say that I have not seen the baby except one picture on my younger son's phone. I had sent them 2 big bags of present and a crocheted blanket and even my sister made a nice baby blanket. But there was never a thank you.

About a year after the birth of the baby, there was a serious fight and the police was involved and he was given restraining order. But after sometime both of them ignored the order and lived together until another serious altercation and he was charged. Now he is facing serious charges. He does not see the baby anymore according to his father. The baby is now 2 years old.

About the same time, the orphanage from where we adopted him got in touch with him saying his birth mother is requesting to communicate with him. At first he did not know what to do and did not reply but later, he communicated with him. The birth mother communicated with his father to ask what was his childhood like. Then she requested to connect with my younger son although there was never any communication with him. I do not know who else she was communicating but there was never a request to communicate with me. I knew that it would not happen and never expected it.

A few days ago, my former husband told me that he lives very close to where I live. I have managed not to let him know where I had been living. He has a new girl friend. I do not know if there is still communication with his birth mother. I was told she wanted him to fly to the Philippines but at this time it is not possible for him to do that. The birth mother mentioned to my ex husband that she may travel to the Philippines.  I also found out that he has also communicated with his birth father who works in UAE.

When we adopted my only hope was that it would turn out ok. But I was also realistic that there have been a lot of cases where it has not turned out well. I have no regrets and deep within me, I believe that I have done my best and that is all I can do. He is an adult now and whatever or whoever he turned out to be was mostly his decision. And we are all responsible for any action we have taken.

Legacy of an Adopted Child - Part 4

After the move to Alberta, we noticed he was having a hard time controlling his anger and also not realizing or knowing the consequences of his actions. We had consulted social worker to ask for suggestions to handle him as he started not wanting to go to school. We noticed also his problem of not being able to wake up even with all the alarms and us physically waking him up.

One day, I was reading an article in our city newspaper and there was this item about Attachment Disorder. I continued reading it and realized that the the symptoms of this disorder he was showing.
When his problems got worse, we talked to a psychologist and our family doctor and mentioned about this disorder. At that time, it was not very well publicized and we contacted someone in the US regarding this. And so begin all the tests and meetings with professionals. In the meantime, he was getting worse that I was scared he would hurt his younger brother as he had started to be physical with him. When it got worse that I was really worried about safety, we had to make the decision to get Social Services to have temporary custody of him. It was the most difficult decision.

I was told that he did not want to have any more communication with me and his brother and we respected that. That Christmas, was the first time he came home but that turned into disaster, so by Christmas day, he was back at the residence.

At this time, even the staff at the home was having difficulty dealing with him. Now it was really getting serious that I am now considering giving up parental rights to him. And when I finally had to do that, I went to court and once it was over, I cried all the way home. My lawyer called later that day to check if I was ok.

For a while I told my husband I do not want to hear any of the news about him as I was getting so upset and it was affecting my health. That was also the time, our marriage ended. It was just a lot of differences between us regarding how to deal with his problems. It was also at this time that our son had other serious problem. Police also got involved with some of his problems. This time around, Social Services had permanent custody of him.

The Legacy of an Adopted Child - Part 3

December 1986.... a few weeks before Christmas, my husband and brother -in-law travelled to the Philippines to pick up the baby. Our friends and relatives commented that two guys will have to handle the baby and finalize the adoption process. I was 5 months pregnant and the doctor did not approve of me travelling at this stage. I stayed home and prepared the nursery and all the stuff we needed and all the things to be done as it was also very close to Christmas.
Both guys were so busy with the closing of the adoption process that a relative of my brother-in-law was hired to take care of the baby. I was told over the phone that it was a very active 18 month old baby. Two days before Christmas they got back with the baby. It was a joyous day and since we live in a small city, it seems everyone knew.

And yes, he was a very active baby. At one point, I did not know how to handle him. My father was most excited and he would come and visit and help. He would play with him and teach him how to say words in English. He used to watch Sesame Street and being in Canada there is French part in the show. He was interested in French that when it was time to go to Kindergarten, he would end up going to the French Immersion side of the Catholic school. At a very young age we noticed how he can pick up new things easily. He can assemble toys we would buy him but we noticed too that he got quite upset if he can't do it right the first time. At the age of six we enrolled him in karate to learn discipline and he was really good at it that when we left  North, he was getting close to getting his black belt.

Once we moved to Alberta, in a quiet suburb close to Edmonton he was enrolled in French immersion in a French school. We noticed too about his problem controlling his anger. But he did very well in school. 

The Legacy of an Adopted Child - Part 2

The year was 1984...my husband (now ex) and I travelled to the Philippines to attend my grandmother's funeral. While there, we met a few of my college friends and at one of these meetings, the topic of adoption was brought up. At that time I had been married for 11 years and never got pregnant. At another meeting, a close college friend talk to the nuns at the college I attended and suggested to us to visit this one particular orphanage. We did and had a very informative conversation with one of the nuns. After coming back from the trip, we decided to call Social Services in our city and got more information about international adoption.

After a few months of talking and getting more information, we finally decided to apply for international adoption. So we started filling out forms and getting documents and having home study done, applying for security and police clearance. A year later, our application was approved, now it is choosing the child we would raise. I believe we were offered a cute baby boy but with heavy heart we had to decline for medical reason. Then another baby boy was suggested and I remember very well that one of the nuns had mentioned that he looks a bit like me so it is a good match. After reading all the information they sent us, we decided to go for this baby. In August of 1986, we finally signed all the documents. At one point in time, the nuns asked what will I do if I get pregnant while the process is going on and I replied we would still go through the adoption. In September of that year, I was doing exercises with a friend of mine and I complained about soreness in my breast and she said...You are pregnant! I said I could not be. To make long story short, I went to see my doctor and he confirmed that indeed I was pregnant. A few months later, while I was on my regular check up, he wanted to do another ultra sound as he told me that he is concerned that I could be carrying twins. When I told my husband this, his comment was...oh we have to get two cribs. I screamed at him, and said gosh you are worried about two cribs, I am scared of how we would take care of 3 babies. It felt like I was carrying triplets.

Legacy of an Adopted Child - Part 1

This is the title of a poem given to us by the nuns at the orphanage where we adopted our oldest son. It was printed in a nice paper and the letters were blue. The author is unknown. 

Once there were two women,

Who never knew each other

One you do not remember,

The other you called mother.

Two different lives

Shaped to make yours one.

One became your guiding star,

The other became your sun.

The first gave you life

And the second taught you to live it

The first gave you a need for love,

And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality,

The other gave you a name.

One gave a seed of talent,

The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions,

The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile,

The other dried your tears.

One gave you up- -

It was all that she could do

The other prayed for a child

And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me

Through your tears,

The old age question 

Through the years:

Heredity or environment

Which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling--neither

Just two different kinds of love.

I still have that piece of paper in mint condition and I have given a copy to my son when I believed he could understand the meaning of the poem and might help him deal with his adoption.

Happy Thanksgiving

To everyone, friends and relatives, I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving.

This year is especially important for me to give thanks to all the blessings I have received and also for surviving a serious illness. I'm thankful for all the support and encouragement and help.

To sister for coming and visiting to help and support and encourage me.
To Carole for checking up on me and always so encouraging.
To my niece Lou for listening and just being there when I have to vent.
To Nene for making sure I can always call.
To Fanny for calling and always checking up on how I was doing.
To Marissa for all the long talks and prayers and always being there even when you yourself is going through a lot as well.
To Marie for making sure I'm looking after myself.
To Rogelio for all the suggestions.
To the ladies of Laidley for caring.
To Sandra for all the wonderful suggestions and encouragement from far away.
To Ped for always listening. 

Without all your support, it would have been a more difficult recovery.
And now to RBR for understanding all the insecurities. Thank you for the laughter and some needed disagreement. Hang in there. The journey has not been all easy. The bumps have been small, thank God.

So far an exceptional year. 

First bumps

Like any other journey, I had now encountered few bumps on the way. But I am determined to succeed. I have to go back a bit and restart. Ok, without help and understanding from a selected few, I probably would have done a bit of a damage.

With this personal journey, I am not alone so it helps. I need all the support I can get to achieve my goal. And I'm going to try real hard.

When given a chance, I would really like to grab and take my chances. I know the risks but that is what life is all about. I had been told I'm persistent. I think that's a good quality....not giving up right away. 

So this is like a diary of my journey. After a few posts, I will do a page for this one. I hope to one day be able to read it whether it was successful or not.

My guest blogger should be ready in a day or two.

To RBR, I hope you enjoy the journey. As you have told me, we are going to do it together. 

Thanks for stopping by.

Life journey

As I have posted before I'm doing this life journey posts. After being on med leave for almost 3 months, I am lucky to have recovered but it was a struggle. I had to do a lot of difficult decisions. 

I left my job and a few friends there. I actually enjoyed my job there until the manager from hell got on board. The environment was toxic. I found new job where they care about their staff. No drama here. They just hired an admin assistant and she is a friend of ten years so that would be great.

So my life journey on my professional side is doing well.

Now comes my personal life. I have been on my own for a long time and I have been in relationships but did not work out. This part of my journey is the one I'm concentrating on now. I know it will have its ups and downs. Knowing my history, I'm hoping this will turn out ok. 

When I was visiting my sister, I was a guest blogger for her. So I will have a guest blogger. I don't know how this will work out but I'm hoping it will be interesting. And this is part of my life journey.

So thank you. I know I have a new visitor checking out my blog. To you, thanks a lot.

I'm definitely back.l can't promise I will blog all the time but I will post when I'm in the mood. I'm well and I believe close to full recovery (knock on wood).

I would like to thank again everyone...sister, cousins and nieces, friends and officemates  for all the help, support, kindness and encouragement during my illness.

Now I'm on an exciting new adventure, not the travel kind. Life adventure, it could be a roller coaster ride with its up and downs. I feel, believe and confident it would be a wonderful trip. I'm praying it will be successful in the end. I will probably post part of it but there will be no pictures, maybe in the end part

So RR let's go. You were kind and brave enough to join me. I'm glad for the complete and unending support and encouragement. Wish me luck.

Wonderful memories....

Today, he would have been 32 years old. I wonder if he would have been married, with children. Perhaps not. Would he have been successful with the business he started, probably. What kind of car would he be driving? What electronic toys would he own? What kind of music would he be listening to?What kind of food would he prefer to eat? What places would he have visited? A lot of questions and really no answers.

For the last five years, that is what I struggled with. Questions and no answers. But with time, I have learned to have questions and I am beginning to learn that I will get no answers and now it is fine with me. I have accepted the fact that, this is how it will be.

I lived with the pain and now it is not as hard as before. Maybe the cliche time heals everything is true. I do not know about closure. Sometimes I think closure is forgetting and I do not want that.

Memories, that is what I have left and it is a good feeling to have. I remember a lot of them when he was younger and there are times when I can smile about them. There are memories when he was an adult and those I really treasure. I am thankful that there was this time in my life that I was trying to find out what to do and I spent a few months with him and my sister and we got some kind of bonding. And not knowing that would be the last I would spend time with him.

Now I can say I am at peace with what happened, though there are times I still do not understand why.But I am fine with it.

So Gino, Happy Birthday and I believe where ever you are, you are also at peace. You will always be in our hearts. 

A very sad news.....

I posted an item about  weeks ago about a lady who celebrated her 100th birthday. It was a successful get together for friends and relatives. I was told there were more than 200 people who came to their open house to greet her.

I was able to talk to her and wish her Happy Birthday.

After a week, I heard she was in the hospital maybe from all the stress and excitement and some sad news she received. A nephew who attended her birhtday bash died and a month later, her brother died.

She also fell and broke her hip and had to have surgery. Sad to say, she did not really recover from that and she passed away on May 23, I believe.

I am just glad that she was able to reach her 100th birthday which she had been looking forward to for so long. I also know when she told me, the last time I visited that it was hard to be just waiting.
Now she is at peace and resting.  I believe she has now gone home. We will miss you, Wiwa.

 

 

Picture taken on her 100th birthday celebration.

 

She is a very religious and spiritual person so I think this song is appropriate to dedicate to her.



A memorial......

A day after our ambassador of goodwill, Andy passed away, I have only gone into our lobby the morning after I have found out that he had died.

I have been down to the lobby everyday after I have left my job here in the building. Last Tuesday, I went down as usual and when I was checking my mail box and glanced at the corner where he usually parked his wheelchair and found he was not there, it took a lot of self control not to cry.

As fast as I could, I went to the elevator and to the parkade. Now I have to get my Metro paper by myself in the afternoon when I go home.

That Tuesday afternoon, this is what I found in the corner of the lobby.

 

Residents have started to put a little memorial corner on the same spot where he parked his wheelchair. And they stop by and talked to whoever is there telling stories about Andy.

After two days....

 

Now there is also a book there where you can sign and tell your experience about him. There is his copy of Metro and a Werther's candy which he would give to his favourite residents.

I like our community. There are 250 suites here and he must know more than half of the residents.

And today, when I finally came down to the lobby, there were more flowers and cards and a lot more stories in the memorial book.

 



Another one gone....

Early tonight a friend from my building called and told me that a friend of mine had died of a massive heart attack. I have known him for almost 15 years.

He lived in my building when I started in property management. He was then using a cane and it progressed to him being in a wheelchair.

Since I have moved here, he has become a great friend. He gets me my Metro paper every morning before I go to work. We talked for 10 to 15 minutes before I would go down to the parkade. He would call me sweetheart and all kinds of endearing names. We had great laugh and we talked about everything, from my holidays, restaurants, the Oilers, business, my job and the residents of the building.

I am sure the residents will miss him. I saw him last on Saturday afternoon when I went down to get the flyers but did not talk to him as they were outside and I was wearing my flipflops and no jacket. Now I wish I had just gone out just to say hi.

I know tomorrow would be emotional when I go down to the lobby to check my mail and not see him where he sat beside the green leather chair which I would occupy when I come down for our usual chit chat.

Andy, Rest in Peace and God Bless You. I will miss you.

 

I am not sure what music he listens to but I think this song about friendship is a good one to dedicate to him.





One year ago....

Last night I was a bit uneasy and did not know why. Even when I was in bed, I kept tossing and turning. Then this morning, it hit me. A very close of mine who I consider like a second mother died a year ago.

I had even mentioned to a friend how I really miss her and sometimes would pick up the phone and then realized I can`t call her.

We had such good times, eating out and just being together. I remember her when we went to see Josh Groban with my free tickets.

Then I mentioned that Il Divo would be performing in Edmonton but sadly she was not around to see it.

I hope you are at peace wherever you are. God bless P.

 

 



Christmas Eve.....

It's Christmas eve, and the celebration starts. For me it would be a quiet one. When we were kids, this is the most exciting part of the Christmas season.

We usually head to my maternal grandparents place which is like a compount with three homes and this is where we congregate tor this holiday.

We had midnight meal prepared by the aunts and this is when we are allowed to open our presents. When my kids were younger I followed this tradition but also made our own.

This time, the kids are now adults and we celebrate on Christmas day and they receive their presents, if they have been good....yes, even at their age I still do this.

On our last day at work, we had our Christmas celebration and had Chinese exchange gift which I really do not like. I would like to buy for a particular person and try to find out what is the perfect gift for her/him.

But I should not complain as I got a present which is a good addition to my collection.

I have this collection and this is a good addition.

 

These two Port Meirion serving knife and fork, I am glad to get and lucky that nobody stole from me during thd Chinese gift exchange.

 

This is a gift from a friend of mine. A collection of rock salt, one with rosemary, one with chile slices and one with black peppercorns. As I have posted here before I have all kinds of salt and another great addition. Thank you, C.

 

I will be busy starting to get ready for the Christmas dinner preparation.

Happy Christmas Eve.

 

 

One of my favourite Christmas song.



Two sisters......

We have always been close even when we were younger. We tell each other all kinds of stuff and we always have fun when we are together.

Now that she is further away, we probably see each other once a year. Hopefully it could be twice a year.

When I visited, we cooked things we like to eat and go out and look for bargains. She is good at making sure I don't overspend and we have an agreement on what is a good deal and what is not. Things we should wait to buy and ones that we should just buy there and then.

I can't wait tovisit her again...Thanks a lot lil sis.

Two sisters on our way to shoppping.

 

Admiring the roses at the Heritage Rose Garden. I guess that dress must have been a uniform for me since I am wearing it in two different days.

 

Well, it is Friday, I am going to put up a few Christmas decor in my place to make it feel Christmassy. Time to start planning what cookies to bake and Christmas Eve and Christmas Day menu.

 

I have finished my Christmas shopping. To all you folks, get busy and go shopping, do not wait for the last few days.

 

Enjoy the weekend!!!

 

 



Thank you, thank you and more thank yous.....

This is for my sister and hubby....thank you for your hospitality, all the exciting short trips and all the yummy meals, wonderful breakfasts and a lovely Thanksgiving meal.

And of course all the shopping trips, my brother-in-law I feel knows the kind of shoes/boots I like. And my sister for not letting me buy any dress over $15.00 but at times if I beg enough, she will let me get one.

My first night was really exciting as she gave me my belated birthday presents, the number of which corresponds to my years,so I will just show a picture.

There were all kinds of stuff from reading glasses, make up, creams, hair products, manicure/pedicure set, candies, soap, purse and wallet and so much more. A big thank you, Jeff and to Annette, my sister's mother-in -law and my adoptive MIL.

 

My birthday presents...getting old but what a nice surprise.

Thank you again, lil sis.



Long time coming.....

Tonight, I got a call from my cousin in the Philippines. She is from my father's side of the family and we had only started communicating again after more than 35 years.

She found us through a friend in facebook. Thanks to social media, we get to have communication with long lost relatives.

They are having a reunion back in the Philippines and they called me and I was able to talk to my aunt who I have not seen nor talked to in as many years.

It is nice and a wonderful feeling to get in touch again. She is 87 and I believe the only surviving sibling of my dad and the youngest.

Thanks to my cousin Nodie for making this possible and I would like to say hello to my cousins visiting the Philippines from Australia and I hope they have a wonderful reunion. Please send us pictures.

Happy Birthday Gino.....

He was born 31 years ago today but sadly he is no longer with us.

A great friend, a good son, the best brother, and my favorite nephew.

A decent human being.

We miss you and we think of you always.

Wherever you are, I hope you are at peace.

God bless....love you.